Jumping Far Ahead To Fill In More Blanks:

THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE

Around this time, my high school friend, Rich and I had mutual friends that had recently joined the military. We started getting letters from them about the horrors of Basic Training. I thought back on how I had been approached by military recruiters right after high school. I abhorred the idea of being in the military, and, despite all their annoying persuasions, turned them down flat.

Going into the military was one of the things I vowed I would NEVER do. That was years ago. I was in my mid-twenties now. I wanted to break out and move permanently to California again. I always had.

After I had given in to my parents' guilt trip and come from my first attempt, I had promised myself I would go back again as soon as I had another chance. But family, friends, and a feeling of duty to them - especially after my mother had died - had kept me from actually doing it yet.

I was bored out of my mind during this point in time. There were no challenges in my life. I knew I needed to get out and do SOMETHING to get me back in California. But so strong was my futile sense of duty to my family, that I knew whatever I did would have to be something very drastic to force myself to break the ties that bound me so.

Also during this time period, other minor things I had said I'd never do started appealing to me. I found myself doing them for that very reason. And, now the more letters that came in from our friends in the military, the more I felt like I was being dared - challenged. I started to wonder.

If I WERE to join the military, could I survive all these horrible things? If I never did, what kind of experience would I be missing out on? I began to humorously speculate with my friends. "Oh, don't even think about it! You'd NEVER make it!

You're too short and skinny! Someone like you could never handle that! You wouldn't last a day!" My old reaction / response to such things began to come back - my usual - "Oh, yeah?! Watch me!"

I couldn't deny it would fix EVERYTHING. It would cure me of my boredom, it would put me in a situation that my sense of family duty COULDN'T coax me out of (and I needed that to bring myself to go back to California), and it would certainly be the ultimate challenge to me at this point! Plus it would satisfy my need for soaking up experiences. I couldn't resist! I'd do it! Without telling anyone, I went to recruiting offices. I was told about the various services. The Navy and the Air Force sounded too easy. I wanted something rougher, something that would present more of a challenge. It was between the Marines and the Army. Because I clicked better with the Amy recruiter, I chose the Army! I signed up right away! I went back to my family and friends and announced that within the next few weeks, shortly after my birthday, I would be shipped off to begin my own Basic Training!

THE CALM BEFORE THE CAMOUFLAGE

My first actual day doing anything Army-related was the day before I was to be shipped off to Fort Knox Kentucky. They gave me a full medical exam. (Too full at one point!) I was officially declared perfectly healthy and sane. Then we took a long, draining written test. After that, we were to be graded and placed in jobs. I was sent to a very expressionless, robot-like black woman. She announced that I did very well on the tests. However, they had very limited positions open. She read off a list of very undesirable jobs. If I had scored so high, shouldn't there be other positions open SOMEWHERE? (I had joined in hopes that I could become a paratrooper, after all!) She was very sorry, but there was nothing else available. Seemingly having no choice, I accepted the best of the worst. I would take on the position of Fuel Specialist, though I had no interest in fuel whatsoever! I would later find out, to much intense anger, that this woman had blatantly LIED to me! During a future phone call to my recruiter, he told me that the Army often does that. They need a lot of positions filled that they know no one would ever choose. So, they conveniently omit mentioning the good jobs, and falsely tell you that only these undesirable jobs are available. Knowing that, nine times out of ten, no one will know the better. Some people are lucky enough to be warned about this in advance so they can call them on it and get the good jobs. Well, why the hell didn't he warn ME in advance then, I demanded of him. He gave me some vague answer. But it was too late now. I was stuck with this awful Fuel Specialist job. But again, that phone call came later in the future.

That afternoon / evening, they had me stay at a hotel. I didn't get to stay the whole night, though. They rushed me off to the airport where I met others I would be going through Basic Training with. I was just starting to have a good time talking to them when we had to board our plane.

ARRIVAL AT FORT KNOX

After a long plane ride and very long bus ride, we finally arrived at Fort Knox, Kentucky. It was about two in the morning. They shuffled us into a huge auditorium and had us sit in school-like desks. Then they took the longest attendance I had ever had to sit through! Once that was done, we had to fill out a barrage of paperwork. Then all these people I would never deal with again proceeded to give several meaningless, long-winded speeches! FINALLY, we were split up into temporary barracks for the weekend. It was now nearly four in the morning, and we had only two hours before to sleep before they woke us up again!

INTRODUCTION TO FORT KNOX

First, we were introduced to the mess hall. Then we were visited by the chaplain and some of the medical staff. Next we were taken around the base a bit on buses. We got to spend the second half of the day getting to know each other. On Sunday, we got taken around to get all our uniforms and supplies issued to us. There was much more stuff to use than I could have imagined! I got two sets of camouflage uniforms with the name "Zacher" on the right pockets. For some reason, that made me feel almost important. We were told to rest up as much as possible because the next day we would be taken into new barracks to officially begin our Basic Training. They warned us it would be a very rough day. I was to find they weren't kidding!

THE REAL BASIC TRAINING BEGINS

After we were finally issued all our clothes and supplies, we got them to the temporary barracks. We were told to have everything ready and packed to be able to walk to our new, permanent barracks. We had fifteen minutes. All of a sudden, a new drill sergeant stormed into the barracks and screamed at us at the top of his lungs for us to get everything on our backs and to get moving. I nearly fell over with the weight! He continued to yell at us all the way there. We had a few acres to cross, and just like the others, I could barely keep up! "I'm not going make it," I thought. I think I made a mistake. But, somehow, though we had been called every name in the book by that point, we finally made it.

The drill sergeant shouted at us to line up on either side of the aisle of the new barracks. Getting right in each of our faces, he made a point to scream insults at us one by one. One guy had a shirt that said, "No fear". This was a red flag to the sergeant. He put his face right into this guys and shouted, "No fear?!! No fear, huh?!!! Well see if you have no fear! Get up in that window, shit-for-brains!! " He was referring to the open window behind him. It had no screen. He wanted him to get up there and jump two stories down. "Get up there, you pussy!! NOW!! Or I'll kick your ass so bad youll go running back home to Mommy whimpering like a little fuckin' puppy!!" (Yes, he actually used these words- or VERY close! I have a very vivid memory of this first day!) "Now, jump! Do it!! NOW!! Do I have to push your ass out?!! Do have fear now?!! Huh?!" The guy was, by now, in the window, and answered him in an obviously embarrassed tone of voice. "Yes." " I cant hear you!" "Yes. ""Yes, WHAT?!" "Yes, Drill Sergeant." My name is Drill Sergeant Pugley! Can't you read it on my gaddman uniform? DO YOU FEEL FEAR NOW?!!" "Yes, Drill Sergeant Pugley." "What the hell are you whispering to me for?! I asked you a question! DO YOU FEEL FEAR NOW?!!" "Yes, Drill Sergeant Pugley!!" "Now, get your sorry ass down from there and get back in formation! NOW!! "Yes, Drill Sergeant Pugley!" Once he was back in formation. He turned to all of us. He pointed at three of the guys, and then at me. "You four! Follow me! The rest of you, you'll find brooms and mops in that hall closet! I'm coming back here with Drill Sergeant Brown in thirty minutes! This room better be SPOTLESS when we walk in!!" He led us downstairs and into a room that was full of portable wardrobe closets. "You! I want three of these hauled up there and put into place!" He stormed out of the room. Sarcastically, I raised my eyebrows and turned to the other three guys. "Boys," I said, "Welcome to hell!"

HUMAN CATTLE

The next day, we were lined up like cattle, and taken to a clinic. We had to roll up our sleeves to our shoulders and walk forward in a single-file line. Up ahead, there were nurses on each side - simultaneously administering shots to each guys upper arms. It was done so quickly that there was hardly a pause in our steps. It was finally my turn. I got the double pinch and continued to step forward. As usual with me, there was no pain involved, but just by the manner in which it was done, I felt as if I had just been branded.

GETTING THE SINEAD O'CONNOR TREATMENT

A few hours later, we stood in a long line in front of the barbers. "Ah, so this is where we get the Sinead O Connor treatment," I thought. As I got close enough to be able to see inside, I saw that some of the guys were crying. Of course, the barbers were just as compassionate as the drill sergeants were! They insulted the hell out of these guys as they sheared their heads clean. Well, normally, being very picky about my hair, this would really bother me. But I refused to let it. I had made this decision. I knew this went with the territory, and I consoled myself with knowing that we would all look the same. Eventually, I had to sit in the chair. I closed my eyes, and let the barber turn me into a skinhead without a word of complaint, without any sign of emotion. When he was done, I couldn't help but look in the mirror. I smirked at the sight that greeted me. From that moment on throughout the rest of the day, I could not get the song, "Nothing Compares To You" out of my head.

BREAKFAST OF DISCIPLINE

The next morning, we began our usual early morning routine of being rudely woken up at four in the morning, showering / shaving, and being marched over to the mess hall. Before we were allowed breakfast, we had to earn it by standing perfectly still in formation in the freezing cold. We were not allowed to wear our jackets to the mess hall in the mornings. Brilliant me, when I had signed up, I had forgotten that I would be training during my least favorite season - winter! Getting back on track, when I say we had to stand perfectly still, I wasn't kidding! The SLIGHTEST movement by ANYONE would further prolong breakfast. Finally, once we began to feel like living statues, we were allowed into the mess hall one slow row at a time.

PHYSICAL TRAINING

Physical training, referred to as "PT" in the Army, became a way of life about every few hours! On our first real day, we were given a test that consisted of push-ups, sit-ups, and running a mile. The first two, we had to see how many we could do within two minutes' time. As for running the mile, they timed each of us. They wanted us to do it in under twelve minutes. Needless to say, at this point, none of us could! We would be given three more tests throughout the rest of Basic Training to see how much we progressively improved. Naturally, near-death by PT was also a favorite form of punishment!

MARCH, MARCH, MARCH

One of the first things that got drilled into our heads (no pun intended) was how to march in formation. Many different ways of marching in formation! Day and night, it was march, march, march. I soon had every marching cadence ever created memorized! However, it was "Colonel Hathi's March" from Disney's "The Jungle Book" that I often got stuck in my head...especially, because, in that version of the tune, it poked fun at how pointless non-stop marching could seem after awhile! LOL! There were also marching competitions that we got volunteered into. We even won sometimes.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

I spent the next week and a half getting tortured for every little thing that someone ELSE did wrong. I made a point not to risk doing anything that would cause trouble. Yet, here I was being run into the ground several times a day anyway. On some levels, I was treated worse than even my parents had treated me. Long ago, I had built up a refusal to be disrespected, degraded, or humiliated. Yet, here I was having to bite my tongue so often that I was surprised I still had one. It was all I could do to keep from walking off. But I knew that one does not just walk out of the Army. Once you join, you're stuck in it. Perhaps everyone had been right. Perhaps I had made a mistake after all. Well, I would fix this. I would not be held down and treated this way. I am too much of a free spirit. I would escape. It was risky, and I'd have to live like a refugee for a couple of years, but I knew I could do it. I would do it that night.

MY OWN "PRIVATE" ADVENTURE

(Pun Intended)

My camouflage clothes would be perfect for this. I would stay as close to the woods as possible. It would be best to travel light. I packed only the most basic necessities in the smallest carry bag. I stuffed my bunk to look like I was in it. Everyone else was asleep. I crept into the bathroom where I could see the lookout guy at his post in the hallway. I waited till he walked away for a while. When he finally did, I quietly ran down the stairwell. Very carefully, I opened the door. I had made it out of the building! I got to the road along the woods unnoticed soon enough. My secret quest for the exit gate had now begun. I got up right next to the trees. It was very quiet, except for the growls and roars of animals off in the distance. I wondered what kind of animals they were. One of them sounded like a bear. I figured it probably was. I had heard they weren't uncommon in this part of the country. I silently hoped I wouldn't meet one - or any other kind of dangerous animal, for that matter - and continued on. After awhile, I saw the glow of headlights about to approach me from behind. Luckily, it was far enough away from me to be able to act in advance. Instantly, I dropped to the ground. I should be able to blend in perfectly. I shouldn't be noticed. It was dark, I was dressed in camouflage, cap and all, I was right next to the woods, and now covered by very tall grass. The car passed by without incident. It had worked. I then determined that I would take the same course of action whenever a car or person was near.

Eventually, the woods ended, having led to nothing but more of the base. I wound up passing tanks, and many other things and places we had not yet seen . I was amazed at how quiet and deserted every area was! But, soon enough, I came upon my first real challenge. Here was a secured, fenced off area, but I managed to find a way in. But now, up ahead, there was a booth flanked by guards. Luckily, there were trees in the background, so I crept back in front of them. I braced myself for getting caught. I could only imagine the trouble I'd wind up in! But, somehow, someway, I not only got past the guards unnoticed, but out of the secured area altogether! Breathing a sigh of relief once I had gotten some distance from it, I thought to myself, It's a damned good thing I'm not a spy! Im just a private who doesnt know where hes going! If I can get past these guards, it would be only too easy for an enemy to! So much for on-base security! But then, it was peacetime, wasn't it?

Further along the way, I finally caught site of the gate! However, I found myself suddenly hesitant to go for it. What the hell was I DOING?! Yes, this was hard. Yes, this was rough. Yes, this was grueling. But hadn't I KNOWN it was going to be this way?! Wasn't this exactly the challenge I had set myself up for?! Wasn't that the reason I had signed for the Army in the first place?! And since when was I a quitter?! NEVER! All my life I had boldly taken on things that I knew would challenge me and not only succeeded expectations, but exceeded them. How could I let myself fail in this now, and betray all I had set out to accomplish by this?! No, I would not do this! I COULDN'T! I would see this through to the end no matter what kind of hell I had to go through to do it. I would make this work. Even better, I would make the very best of it that I could! NOW...better get back to the barracks and in bed before morning! Only a few hours left! Can't get caught - especially now!

I wanted to go back the same way, but I didn't want to risk going into that secured area again. I had gotten lucky once. Better not to push that luck again! So, I would have to go by instinct and hope that it would lead me there on time. For awhile, everything went very smoothly. Now I found myself near an on-base tavern! AND there were soldiers leaving it! No woods, or groups of trees for me to hide amongst this time! Only a half-shaved pine tree here and there! What to do?! Out of pure reflex, I dashed to the base of one of the pine trees, and backed myself fully against the trunk. No branches on the bottom half! Of course not! I kept a close eye on the position of the exiting soldiers. They were talking and laughing amongst each other. As they walked further ahead, I inched myself step by step around the tree in order to stay out of their sight. I based my movements on the angle / distance they were from me. Finally, they were far off in the distance, and I continued on my way.

It was nearly four in the morning now! The drill sergeant would soon send the last lookout guy into the barracks to shout everyone awake! Miraculously, I found our building again! I got inside unnoticed, and made into the barracks! I looked at the time. It would be any minute now that we would be woken up! I threw my carry bag back into my wardrobe closet, and scrambled into bed - fully clothed! I was not looking forward to an Army day on absolutely no sleep, and my feet were now covered in blisters under my boots, but I had made it back just in the nick of time! Again, I realized there must be someone up there watching out for me! From that moment on, I would and did maintain a new and more optimistically determined view of Basic Training. I closed my eyes.

My bed was the bottom of a bunk that just happened to be the first and right bunk against the wall just inside the door. No sooner had I closed my eyes than I was startled by the sound of someone banging on an empty metal trash can! I opened my eyes, and looked up to see not the lookout guy, but the black face of Drill Sergeant Brown staring right down at ME!. "Oh, shit!", I thought. They know! "Private Zacher, what the HELL are you doing wearing that uniform to bed?!" Whew! They DIDN'T know! THANK GOD!! It took me a second to think of something pathetic to say. "Uh...I wanted to get an early start?" I was expecting some horrible punishment. At least a barrage of shouted insults! But, to my surprise, he just shook his head at me, and calmly replied, "You will not wear your uniform to bed again, Private. Now, get out of those clothes and into the shower like everyone else." He then turned his attention away from me and shouted at the rest of the guys. "Come on, come on, lets move it! Get your sorry asses out of bed! Lets go! Up and out!" You can't IMAGINE the sigh of relief I silently breathed!! "Okay, Gerard, you didn't get caught. Your lucky ass is saved. Now for a day of pain and exhaustion!"

RUNNING WITH FIFTY POUND BACKPACKS

The drill sergeants had us load all our travel packs to the fullest extent. All this would come to weigh about fifty pounds! We would be wearing them on these new, long-distance running excursions. Oh, joy! What fun! We ran just about all over the base! These were sights the other guys hadn't seen before - other areas they hadn't been to yet. But I had! I had been all over the base already that night weeks before when I had tried to escape, and changed my mind. It was so difficult not to turn to my friends and say, "I remember this! I remember that!" But, as we were near the front next to the drill sergeants, I could not! They could never know of my little adventure, though, in a perfect world, they probably would have been proud of me for it! Well...we ran and we ran and we ran. Many of us were so exhausted, we were dropping like flies along the way. I almost couldn't keep up either, and it was all I could do from just letting myself collapse to the ground. Not only were my bones ready to fall apart, and my limbs aching, but my mouth was dry, my chest hurt, and my feet were giving birth to blisters left and right! The drill sergeants, who, of course, carried nothing on them, would stop to scream insults and orders at us to get our asses up and keep moving. When we got back, as punishment for faltering along the way, the drill sergeants overturned all our bunks, yanked everything out of our little closets, and destroyed the barracks - only to make us clean it all up within thirty minutes.

THE GAS CHAMBER

Soon came one of the tests I had heard much about - the gas chamber. We were to stand in line in there, keep our eyes open no matter how much they might sting, and recite a series of lines before we were allowed to leave. Lucky me, I wound up in the first group! It was very difficult to breathe. It not only stung my eyes, but my nose, my mouth, my throat, and my lungs. However, I kept my eyes open, and managed to recite the lines perfectly the first time, and was allowed to leave with no after affects. Others were not so lucky. We were not allowed to leave if we closed our eyes, or screwed up the lines. That was easy to do, because the gas can make you dizzy if you're in there long enough, and you can't think straight, much less speak correctly. Some guys ran out of there despite not being allowed to - foaming at the mouth and / or throwing up. The drill sergeants showed no mercy whatsoever. Those guys were sent right back in there until they got it right!

THE HIGH TOWER

This was the part I had been anxiously waiting for! Having been heavily into gymnastics since childhood, playing on gym sets at home, climbing and swinging from rooftops and trees and ropes over rivers, I knew I'd be good at this! And I was! We had to swing around poles and across monkey bars, run through sets of tires, climb and scale rope nets, walls and finally the tower itself! Once up there, we got to swing back down! It was the most fun I'd have during my experience in the Army!

THE SECOND PT TEST

Around this time, we were given the second PT test. I was now up to near 80 push-ups and 200 sit-ups per two minutes.! It was Drill Sergeant Brown who counted my sit-ups. Jokingly, he turned to the guys around him, and said, "He can't shoot worth shit yet (I'll get onto that in a moment), but the son of a bitch can sure do sit-ups!" I had gone from running the mile within nineteen minutes down to fourteen minutes. Since my secret little adventure, I had been pushing myself in every aspect of the training. It was starting to get noticed.

THE DRILL SERGEANTS CHILL OUT

After the first few weeks, the drill sergeants stopped screaming at us all the time. That is, of course, as long as we didn't give them reason to! Now, sometimes at night, they would bring a chair into our barracks and just shoot the breeze with us. They were still tough on us, mind you, and when someone screwed up, we still all got nailed for it! But now no one screwed up that much anymore. I now understood the methods of the drill sergeants. They went out of their way to scare the hell out of us when we first got there to let us know who was boss. They tortured us endlessly over every little thing during the first few weeks in order to get us to whip EACH OTHER into shape. This was meant to get us to use teamwork - in a backwards sort of way. Now that we were improving and progressing, they could chill out a bit and get to know us more - and vice -versa. Time for a little POSITIVE encouragement. Very clever, actually. Extremely harsh...but clever.

HIT [HIM] WITH YOUR BEST SHOT

Eventually, we got to train with weapons. We were put into ditches of snow and ice with our rifles. Off in the distance from every ditch, there were rows of a little plastic enemy called "Ivan". There were Ivans at different distances. They would pop up, and we'd have to shoot at them and, hopefully, hit them. Now, I had forgotten to mention that we those of us who wore contact lenses were not allowed to wear them while in the Army. Instead, we were tested and issued those infamous "birth control glasses". Drill Sergeant Brown was in charge of my half of the group. Drill Sergeant Pugley was in charge of the other. My turn came. I got each Ivan within my shot. But every time I went to shoot, my birth control glasses slipped down, at the last second, and I'd miss shot after shot that way. This tried both mine and Drill Sergeant Brown's patience. After many days of this, he finally suggested, "Try it with those glasses off." I took them off and tried again. All of a sudden, [pop], [pop], [pop]! I hit each and every one dead in the center!

Drill Sergeant Brown looked at me. "Well, Ill be a son of a bitch! Private, I don't ever want to see those glasses on your face again!" Later at night, he came into the barracks to pay us a visit. He looked at me and saw I was wearing my glasses. "Get those ugly-ass glasses off, Private!" He gave me a sly grin as I took them off. I wound up being the only guy allowed to wear my contact lenses! Soon, we were learning machine guns, grenades, and more! I wound up being pretty good with weapons.

THE ARTIST IS DISCOVERED

Somewhere within the first few weeks, something most unusual happened. We had a couple of hours of recreation time at the very end of the night. Well, it wasn't all our own time, as we had to use much of this time to polish our boots. But it was the closest we'd get. I would talk to the guys who bunked around me while we worked on our boots, but after that I began to get bored. So, one night, I got out a pen and paper and started doodling. For some reason, I found myself drawing a caricature of our platoon guide. This was probably because he was attracting attention to himself that evening. Frerricks, the guy who slept above me on our bunk, looked over my shoulder at the drawing. "I didn't know you could draw," he said. "That looks just like him!" Some of the guys nearby overheard this. They came over to look at it, too. I got a lot of similar comments. The next thing I knew, I had the entire platoon crowding around me - including the platoon guide himself! "I'll be damned! " He said. "It really DOES look like me!"

At this point, Drill Sergeant Brown walked into the room. "Hey, hey, now what's all this shit about? What do you got there, Private? Give it to me!" "Oh, shit," I thought to myself. I was sure I'd get in trouble. There were no written rules against drawing, but I was sure that it was one of those unwritten rules. I passed the paper over to him - ready for anything. What I WASN'T ready for was for him to start laughing. He turned to the platoon guide. "Well, shit! I'll be damned if that isn't you! This son of a bitch can draw!" He turned to me. "Do some more, Private! I'll come back in awhile." I was stunned! Before I knew it, I had everyone requesting to be drawn next! I did a few more caricatures, and Drill Sergeant Brown did come back - with Drill Sergeant Pugley! He took the drawings from me and showed them to Pugley. "Look at this shit! Looks just like em!" Drill Sergeant Pugley was similarly impressed. Then Drill Sergeant Brown turned back to me. "Private, I got a job for you. Come into the office." I had an idea of what was about to happen. Sure enough, I was actually ordered to draw caricatures of both Drill Sergeants. They wanted to put them up in their office. This would make me or break me, I realized. If they liked them, then great...I would score some brownie points. If not, then I would probably be a target on their shit list throughout the rest of my training!

Well, it turned out they loved them, thank God! They had them framed and hung on the walls of the office. But I was never left alone after that! The First Sergeant - THEIR boss - saw their caricatures and then requested one himself! The other guys in the barracks hounded me constantly! It was either a caricature or a real sketch that they wanted. And if it wasn't of them, it was of their girlfriends! They would give me pictures of their girlfriends to draw off of. Then a very strange trend began. Many of them wanted me to draw famous cartoon characters having sex! They would send these to their girlfriends, as well! I asked them once, "Do you guys think these drawings are going to impress them or turn them on or something? Theyl'l probably look at these and wonder what the HELL the Army has done to you!" Nevertheless, they wanted these sexual cartoons drawn! I found myself very popular now with both the guys and the sergeants. This was largely due to my ability to draw, but also because I kept really pushing myself in all our areas. Never before had I known this kind of popularity (not that I had been seeking it), and I had found it in the most unlikely of places! This continued throughout the rest of Basic Training.

HAND TO HAND COMBAT

It was around this time that we began to be trained in hand-to-hand combat. This involved learning how, when, and where to punch, and block punches. We learned how, when, and where to grab and flip someone over our shoulders and backs. We even learned some martial arts moves and blocks.

BAYONET TRAINING

This was also when we learned how to use our rifles as a sort of sword. We were given blades that could be attached to the nose of the rifle. We were then taught a variety of movements.

There were different ways to use our arms, legs, and whole body. We learned every possible way to use the bayonet in a short amount of time.

STICK IT TO HIM!

Soon we were to be pitted against each other in a boxing-type ring. This was a game with a purpose, of course! Two guys would be given rods of hard plastic capped off at the ends by foam (nerf ball-type foam, that is). We would be competing against one of the other platoons of our company. Whoever fully knocked the other guy down would win the match. It was great fun to watch. But I found myself anxious to get up there! It seemed to take forever for my turn! Finally, I was called up there. Lucky me, my opponent was a good foot taller than me! The whistle blew, and the match began! Before long, we each took a few hits, but did not knock each other down. I could hear the guys from my platoon cheering me on. I suddenly remembered that one of the advantages of being short was the ability to be quicker! I began to put this to use, and before long, I had knocked my opponent down! I had won our platoon another several points!

[FOREST] SCORE AND SEVEN [ACRES]...

Then came another training-related game. Again, we were pitted against another platoon. We were to see how far we could make it through a plotted-out forest trail without getting shot. It was kind of like laser tag in the woods. These were special sensory guns. Each platoon took turns being the bad guys and hid all over the forest - even up in trees. Points were counted for both the shooters and the shootees. Whoever got the most shots won the game. We were sent through the forest in small groups at a time. Unfortunately, my little group and I got shot by snipers in trees (at the very end, too - we had almost made it, damn it), but our platoon, as a whole, did win!

ALL FIRED [AT]!

The day finally came when we would have to deal with live bullets being fired at us! We were taken to a field covered with barbed wire. We were to crawl under this barbed wire while live rounds were fired overhead. The drill sergeants sent us through a few at a time. This made me a little nervous! There two risks here! We could either wind up sliced up or actually be shot, or both! However, when my turn came, I inched my way through unharmed. Once I got across, I was MORE than relieved that it was over with!

MY KP DUTY DAY

KP meant Kitchen Patrol duty. Basically, we had to clean up the mess hall after each meal on our appointed day. No one got out of it. Sometimes it was given as a punishment, but basically they just went down the alphabet. Everyone would get it twice before Basic was over. This was my first one. My partner was the guy the drill sergeants gave the hardest time to. I remember his first name was Tom. They made him clean up their office every night. They made him run up and down the stairs repeatedly while wearing a fifty-pound backpack. They made him do push-ups constantly. He didn't really cause THAT much trouble, though. I had my own theory of why they were that way towards him.

We took a little break and talked later that night. Everyone had already had dinner and left, and we were nearly finished with the chores. The lights were dimmed and the mess hall was empty. Tom started asking me why I had become so liked - and he was so hated. None of the guys hated him, I pointed out. He said he was mainly talking about the drill sergeants. I told him that in school, teachers were usually hardest on students they saw the most potential in. It's a case of this: they see it in you, but you don't see it in yourself, so they feel they have to push it out of you. He asked if I really thought that was the case with him, and I assured him I did. Tom said he really appreciated our talk. We finished the rest of the chores, and I would not have to worry about KP duty for quite some time. Not that it was that bad, really.

THE OFFICERS CHRISTMAS BALL

Christmas was now fast approaching. Always wanting to be involved in extracurricular things, back when Basic Training had first begun, I had joined the church choir. We had been singing at every Sunday mass. Now it was decided that we would perform at the Officers 'Christmas Ball. We would sing a variety of Christmas Carols, and then put on a little religious stage show. This would take place about a week and a half before Christmas, as we were soon to be sent off for Christmas break.

My drill sergeants, along with the First Sergeant and all their superiors were dressed to the nines in their special occasions uniforms. We were given formal robes to wear for the performance. We did a great job, and got a huge round of applause. The following day, Drill Sergeant Brown went on and on about my performance to the point of (obviously intentionally) embarrassing me! (It was in a good way, though). I was later called to the office. One of the highest ranking superiors was there waiting for me. He greeted me warmly and shook my hand. He then presented me with a special gold coin, and an accompanying certificate for performing at the banquet. This was the first of three awards I was to receive by the end of Basic Training.

THE THIRD PT TEST

They wanted to see how much we had progressed just before going home for the holidays. I knew we were getting better at our running. They had recently been having us get into our sweats when they woke us up. We would run in time to their cadences for about an hour through forest trails. It was kind of beautiful really - the early morning darkness, the actual SMELL of morning, the forests all around us. The drill sergeants had more respect for us now, and we had more respect for them, so it was kind of fun running with them. At this point, I was now up to near a hundred push-ups and over 200 sit-ups per two minutes. I could now run a mile under 12 minutes. I was definitely getting in better shape!

CHRISTMAS BREAK

It got to be Christmas time, and, to my utter surprise, the Army actually let us go home for a couple of weeks to be with our families and friends for the holidays! In the middle of Basic Training, no less! My family met me at O'Hare airport. My dad couldn't get over my shaved head! This reminded me that I even HAD a shaved head! I had gotten so used to it, and so used to everyone around me looking the same that I had forgotten. Suddenly, I became sort of embarrassed by it, and wore baseball caps throughout the rest of my vacation! The Sinead O'Connor look definitely wasnt me, but I knew I had to endure it for a couple more months. I somehow managed to visit everyone in that brief little time period.

For the first week, I stayed with Dad and Sandy. For the rest of my vacation, I stayed with a friend along Lake Shore Drive near downtown Chicago. One night, I went out on my own.

A tall, skinny guy with short brown hair came up to me. He said he knew another military guy when he saw one. His name was J., and he had been with the Air Force not too long ago. He used to live in Chicago, but now lived in Phoenix, Arizona. He was just here visiting his family for the holidays as well. We hit it off very well, spent much of the rest of my break hanging out, and would stay in contact over the following months.

WELCOME BACK - ARMY STYLE

Christmas break was over all too soon. Now it was back to shaved heads, endless exercise, camouflage outfits, guns, and much pain and torture! Let me tell you about our "Welcome Back"! Without so much as a "Hello", or ANY friendly word, our drill sergeants stormed into the barracks, and screamed at us to get on our FULL gas protective gear right then and there! This meant rubber body suits, rubber coats, gloves, boots, and, of course, the infamous gas masks! While we got all this on as quickly as we could, the drill sergeants, yelling at us to hurry up all the while, closed all the windows and the door. For the next five hours solid, we were put through the most strenuous, fast-paced workout we had been put through yet. When I say five hours solid, I am NOT exaggerating in the LEAST! And we had to do it with no ventilation in the room whatsoever. And, as usual, the drill sergeants screamed and bellowed at us angrily the entire time. Oh, we DID get one fifteen-minute break, yes. This was our break: we had to clean the barracks as much as possible for those fifteen minutes - WITHOUT removing ANY of the gas protective gear!

MORE OF THE SAME

Well, that was obviously just to let us know that we needed to get back in the swing of things - that, "Okay, you got a break, but don't think you can slack off now that you're back." After that first day, things went back to the way they had been before the vacation. We began to prepare for the final tests. This time there would be much more than a PT test. There would be tests on our use of all the weapons, and all kinds of written tests on all the information wed' acquired. This would not be a walk in the park! The closer we got to the dreaded day, the more nervous everyone got.

JUDGEMENT DAY ARRIVES

After many hours of cramming with the other guys for the written tests, the day finally arrived. The letters from my friends back home and from J. did help keep my spirits up. First we had the PT tests. I got up to about 110 push-ups, and about 230 sit-ups. I ran the mile in under 10 minutes this time. I passed that with flying colors! Next it was onto the weapons. With the guns, this depended on how many shots you got at how many different distances, and so on. When it came to be my turn, everyone was routing for me with each shot I made. It turned out I had made the highest classification - sharp-shooter! Who would have thought it when we first started practicing?!

Next we had the other weapons and I did well. I had always thought the grenades were interesting. The explosions were both frightening and fascinating at the same time. After that, we had to show we knew how all these different technical things operated. Passed that just fine. Finally, we were given the very long written test. Once we were done, we all waited with baited breath. After an hour of anticipation, I found out I had passed and so had all my Army friends!

GRADUATION DAY

Before the ceremony, Drill Sergeants Pugley and Brown had us line up in the barracks one last time. They talked about how we had come in as pathetic excuses for soldiers, but now here we were greatly enhanced and real men. They proceeded to pass out the awards. They turned to me with a few sheets of paper, and announced that I was being presented with not one, but three awards. One was for scoring high enough to make it into the top five of the platoon, the next was for making it into the top of the company (a platoon is a sub-division of a company), and the third was being the most improved. This was the one I was most honored by. The certificate mentioned how hard I had pushed myself, and stated that my can-do attitude and hard work had made [me] a great inspiration for others to emulate I had never felt so honored! A couple of my friends got various awards, too.

Now it was time for graduation. It was a long, drawn-out ceremony, but at times just like school graduations. We were given our diplomas. Next came a much-needed, much-deserved PARTY!! We all had a great time! It was sad to say good-bye to everyone as we all went off to our separate destinations - our MOS (job) training. My next destination was Fort Lee, Virginia. On the plane, I could finally relax for awhile. I felt a great sense of accomplishment. When I had first mentioned that I had decided to join the Army, no one had thought I could make it. But I did! And then some!

FORT LEE, VIRGINIA

When I arrived in Fort Lee, Virginia, I was told that some of the Revolutionary War had taken place there. As I looked around, it was easy to picture it. There were a few differences here. First, instead of fifty guys to a barracks, there were four guys to a room with two bunk beds in it. (I got the top bunk on the right.) The room had a bathroom that connected with the room next door. This was quite an improvement. It was very dorm-room-like this time. Our drill sergeant was a black woman who liked like a miniature Nell Carter. We didn't have to do the shooting, etc. We did have to early morning PT (physical training - exercise), and the marching drills, though. Then we had classes on fuel-related topics. We had written tests, and tests in which we had to be able to set up a fuel station in the woods. Surprisingly, though I had never been mechanically inclined, I did very well on all these tests.

STRIKEN WITH BRONCHITIS

I had one problem, though. Back when I was a young child, I had a bad case of bronchitis. I coughed like a barking dog day and night many, many times. It aggravated my parents, and I got yelled at just for coughing too much. I had even gotten many beatings for it - as if I could help it! When I got to be around eight-years-old, it had finally mysteriously disappeared, and had never turned up again - until now. I know it was the combination of the cold and the exposure to the fumes of all the aviation fuel that brought it out.

"CAUSE I'M A DENTIST...AND I GET OFF ON THE PAIN I INFLICT!"

Also, during this time, I was getting a terrible toothache. I had to go to the on-base dentist. It turned out my bottom-left wisdom tooth was growing in impacted. I would have to get it pulled. Being an Army dentist, this guy truly was a sadist! First, he would not allow me to be put under as I had a couple of years ago when I had to get my first wisdom tooth pulled. Second, he did not give me enough novacaine and refused to correct that when I pointed it out to him. Third, once he smashed my tooth, he couldn't get part of it to come out. So, he used a little saw on it. This sent me through the roof with pain, but he didn't care. This part of my broken tooth was being stubborn. So he kept sawing and sawing and sawing. When this got to be truly unbearable and I began to shout out in pain, he all but called me a wuss! What a sadistic asshole (pardon my language here!)! When he was FINALLY done, he practically threw a bottle of painkillers at me and told me to get out.

STOMACH PUMPING FUN

I was in pain for at least a week. Towards the end of that, I made a VERY grievous error! Not paying attention one day, I took the painkillers too soon after taking the pills I was given for my bronchitis! I soon began to feel very sick. Suddenly, I realized what I had done. One of my roommates got on the phone with the on-base hospital immediately. I got rushed to the hospital. They nearly tore off my shirts and threw on a hospital gown. They put me on a bed and came towards me with a very thick red hose. "Umw-what are you going to do with that?" "Were going to stick up and then down your nose and pump your stomach." "Y-youre going to p-put what WHERE? !" Never in my life had I EVER had a problem with anything a doctor had done to me. My mother had often told me that even as a newborn baby, I hadn't cried when I got my very first shot. But THIS! That hose didn't look like it could have fit through a hole the size of a fifty-cent piece, much less into my nose! I think the entire hospital could hear me howling when they shoved it in! Then I got to see the lovely visual of my insides rushing out of me! My roommates and friends decided to visit me in the middle of this. There I was - tears of pain flowing from my eyes, snot running out from my nose under the hose, saliva drooling uncontrollably out of my mouth, and the contents of my stomach rushing through tubes and into plastic bags! When they were finally done draining me, they still made me keep the hose in my nose for another hour or so. When I had to use the restroom, I had to walk around holding the base of the hose - looking like a man with a mini elephants trunk. When my body shifted with each step, the other end of the hose hit one of the sides of my stomach - almost setting me to puking again. At long last, the ordeal was over. I vowed that I would NEVER let that happen again!

FAREWELL, HISTORIC VIRGINA!

The rest of MOS training at Fort Lee was pretty uneventful. I continued to do very well on all my tests - written and otherwise. My cold-and-fuel-induced bronchitis had not gone away, though. In fact, it continued to get worse. I began to annoy my roommates to no end - my coughing keeping them up all night. The medicine seemed to be doing very little. My superiors began to get very concerned.

I was still in contact with J.. He suggested I put in for a post in or near Phoenix. If I got it, I could room with him because he needed a roommate. This was very exciting news to me! Phoenix was near California! Of course I accepted! I would not get a post to that area, though. In fact, something else entirely happened. My superiors had a meeting with me. My heavy bronchitis was of major problem, it was decided. Though I had made it through all the training, had gotten four awards while in Basic, passed all my test with flying colors, and beyond, I was being given a medical separation. On the one hand, I was upset that I wouldn't get to experience the post-training. On the other hand, this meant that, not being bound to them, I now COULD move Phoenix! The Army arranged for me to be able to fly to Chicago for a few days, and then to Phoenix.

Soon I was in a cab on the way to the Virginia airport. I had a very nice cab driver. He, like me, was very much a historian. In fact, he turned off his meter to give me one last tour of the area, and went from being cab driver to tour guide. There was much history here. I could see traces of it. I could even feel it! It was a very pleasant farewell trip.

While I waited to board my plane, I reflected on my whole experience in the Army. True, it had been rough. Yet I had not only survived, I had succeeded. I had really pushed myself further than even I thought I could. Not only that, I had wound up being very well liked and respected. I had earned four awards to boot. So, bronchitis had unexpectedly interfered. So, I didn't get to see what the Army was like after the training. So what? The experience had taught me much about what I could endure, about my potential, and about myself in general. It had served its purpose to completion. Now on to new adventures!